I really don’t get how you decide which side of you I get. 

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I don’t know what to say. I can’t distinguish the things I need from the things that I want so bad.

I don’t know how to classify stuff..

and you.

I’ve always known that I had it in me. Maybe that’s why people see me like that. But before, I feel like a lighter. I burn as I wish, I go out as I wish. I never really knew that I was just stack of woods waiting for a fire that’s strong enough to lit me on fire as well. 

Now I’m burning.. and it feels so good. It feels so different but surprisingly feels so me.

Fiiiiiiire

Lately, I’ve been wanting acceptance, affection and attention from people. I never really cared about these things before. I used to be all “who the hell cares about you” “i don’t need your approval, mister”. But now… I don’t know anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy with my life. It’s just so different that sometimes, I feel like I’m not me anymore.

I wish people could read my blog so I won’t need to talk to them personally.

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I heard you. I don’t have a hearing problem or something. I’m just not sure if you wanted me to hear you so I acted like… that

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I hate it when I sleep thinking about something and I wake up and it’s still stuck in my mind. It just keeps bugging my mind.

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Here I am again, yearning for someone’s love and acceptance. Sometimes, it feels more like need than a want. Cause I think, only other people can make me happy.

I can’t make myself happy/

I feel so incomplete

I normally blog about things I hate, people I don’t like and all the other stuff that bothers me here. But this time around, I wanna post the other side of me.

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I am scared and excited. I don’t know what I’m feeling.. all I know is that this is all new to me. Oh good lord, please let this end in a nice way where I would be happy, for once, please.

Since I started my first year in college, I’ve become inactive here in my blog. Mostly because I’m afraid people will judge me by the changes that occurred to me, and also because often, I find my thoughts scattered and I just can’t compile and put them all down in a blog post.

A lot of things happened to me for the past 10 months, I can say that I’ve had some of the most memorable days of my life and some of the most horrible days of my life during this period. I’ve become my strongest, I’ve become my weakest.

Maybe I’ve been lost.. but they say, if you’re lost it means you know where you should be it just so happened that you’re not there. In my case, I didn’t where I am, I didn’t know where I should be and the most awful part is I didn’t know where I want to be.

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I had only 12 days of summer vacation this year because of summer classes…..

And you know, I decided finish up Doctor Who S4….

And to finally face the most shjvcdhsv love triangle and read The Clockwork Princess…

I feel like my heart has been tortured

All these feels and tears

I think this vacation has made me more emotional unstable than ever

 oh good lord, how do i recover

Oh I wonder if I can find a more messed up family than mine

It actually got me thinking… Do I like a guy who knows me perfectly well?
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I mean, of course the obvious answer would be yes. Why wouldn’t you love someone who knows every detail about you but still chooses to love you? I mean.. I want that. I know I do. It actually feels nice when people know exactly what you need at the moment. When they just arrive for you without you even calling out for them.. It’s just lovely.
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But there’s also this nice feeling when someone doesn’t understand you but still sticks around because he can’t leave. He doesn’t love you because he chose to love but because.. He can’t just stop it from happening. (yep, that’s nice okay) You’ll get into fights, misunderstandings and all.. But it would be worth it.
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Really don’t know what I want.. I guess I’ll know when I see it?